What I Learned This Year
The start of my 30’s has been amazing. I think it is really true what they say — that the 30’s might be the best decade of your life. For whatever reason, I am more sure of myself (and unsure of many other things at the same time), more comfortable in my own skin, and becoming more of myself every single day. Around my birthday, I like to take some time to reflect on the things that I’ve learned this year.
Doing hard things is the only way to grow. There have been many hard things this year. I have grown in discipline in terms of taking care of myself and my body, I have started my day earlier than ever, I have had hard conversations, I have pushed myself beyond my limits, I have challenged myself to see things from a different perspective. Challenging yourself is the only way to shed old layers that don’t serve you anymore and become closer to who you really are.
Silence and stillness are essential. This year, I got quieter. I took more time each morning to sit in the quiet, to hear myself, to hear God, and to start my day without noise. It has been so good and so healing. (p.s. it’s also really hard for me).
You can be a badass boss lady and still be good to people. As a young adult trying to push back against the patriarchy, I was socialized and molded into a badass, boss lady-type personality who can be a little rough around the edges with people (and some of this is also in my DNA). Sometimes, my Enneagram 8 directness comes out and I forget to lead with kindness. In more recent years, I’ve taken a different approach. I want to be in places where I can make things happen as a leader, but I don’t want to act like someone I’m not. I want to be the best version of me. I embrace my direct, blunt, get-it-done personality, but I also recognize that sometimes, trying to be a bit softer is the better path. What I’ve realized is that you can do two things at the same time. This is a balance I am still working out. I don’t want to be anything that I’m not, and I also recognize that the way we treat people matters. Sometimes I need to rein it in a bit to make sure that I am treating others with kindness. I don’t want to push back against the patriarchy by recreating it in my own way. I want to try to show up in spaces as the best version of myself, and also admit when I got it wrong (because I certainly do).
Romanticize your life. All my friends know that I spend a lot of time on social media. Oops! The thing I like most about social media is posting pretty things and connecting with other people. There’s something that shifts when I take a picture of the flowers on my dining room table, my morning cup of coffee, or share a moment from my daily walk. It helps me take a second to pause and look at my life and say wow, I love it here. I love these little things that bring me into the present moment and help me realize I already have it all. There can be a lot of negative energy that comes out of social media, but I love to use it as a lens to romanticize the little moments of my daily life.
You don’t need to wait until your life is perfect to start living (news flash, it won’t ever be). The reality is there are plenty of things I want in my life that I don’t currently have. On that list includes many small things like having abs and stronger arms, some new workout clothes in my closet, and it also includes bigger things like having a family and children. And the truth is, I thought I would have that by now. It can be really easy to get sucked into a spiral of feeling like I don’t have it all and don’t have enough. And then I look at my raw, messy, overflowing with love life and I go — it is so good. Over the past few years, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t wait to start living until everything was perfect. I can be that girl that I want to be here and now. I don’t need a husband to be the best version of myself. I don’t need to be a mom to be the best version of myself. Why would I wait when I could just do it right now? Life is never going to be perfect, I am probably never going to have all of the things that I want and yet, it is so good. Life is full, it is beautiful, it is messy, it is everything that I want it to be. I have the best people in my life. In so many ways, nothing is missing. And I can still acknowledge the ways that my heart hurts when I think about the desires of my heart that are not yet fulfilled. And I’ll keep choosing to live in the here and now, because it is so good. Life doesn’t move on a linear path or certain timeline. Don’t miss what is in front of you by spending all of your time focused on what you don’t have.
Be generous. Generosity of time, talent, resources and heart have always been important to me. In this current state of our country and world, it means even more. The reality is that I can’t fix the political shitstorm in our country myself (sometimes I’d like to think I can), but I can love on the people around me. I can be compassionate towards someone going through something hard, I can show up to a tough conversation, I can listen, I can buy the best food on the menu to enjoy with my friends, I can help someone out with a small thing. I can choose to be generous in a world that is so cruel.
It’s been a good year. I’m grateful for all of the hard things that pushed me into a better version of myself this year. It keeps getting better and better. Thank you for being a part of my life, for being my people, and for reading these little posts of mine ❤️
